There are a few things that you need to put in
their correct perspective.
Firstly, I believe that if your wife’s family was in need
of some financial help, you should have made an effort to find that out and
cater for it somehow so that this whole issue should not have arisen in the
Having said this, I do not mean to justify the fact that
without consulting you your wife should have tried to help her family out on her
own using your money. The fact remains that she did something inappropriate; but
you should try to investigate why her family needed or indeed, perhaps, still
is, in need of financial help. If there is or has been a dire need then perhaps
it is not entirely her fault. However, if on other occasions, you have given her
money when she asked for it without hesitation, then she had no reason to keep
you in the dark about this particular issue.
In short, you will have to assess your own behavior towards
her in financial matters to see whether you, inadvertently or deliberately, gave
her a reason to avoid you in her apparent moment of need.
Secondly, you are considering divorce and a second marriage
because of this issue. This, I believe, is not a good decision. You should
discuss this whole issue with her from beginning to end and find out what led to
it in the first place. In any case, I think that you need to discuss this whole
problem with her completely before taking such drastic a decision. Your children
will inevitably suffer if you choose to divorce her and go for a second
marriage. You do not have a responsibility towards your wife alone but towards
your children as well. And both these responsibilities demand that you
thoroughly discuss this problem with your wife to ascertain whether indeed it is
impossible for you to continue this partnership.
In the end I must emphasize that this is merely a
suggestion and you should earnestly pray to Allah for His help and guidance in
deciding this matter and indeed all other matters.